来源：编程开发 发布时间：2019-08-06 04:39:18 点击：
An Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman are in a maximum security prison in the U.S, about to do 10 years each in solitary for crimes they didn't commit. One of the Guards takes pity on them and says, "Look lads, I can't get you off the hook, but what I can do as a consolation is give each of you a ten year supply of whatever you want. So what will it be?"
The Englishman says, "Well I love a cup of tea, so I'd like 10 years' worth of tea。" The guard obliges and leads the englishman down。
The Scotsman says, "I really like a drink, personally。 10 years' worth of Whiskey would suit me great。" The guard gets the Scotsman his whiskey and takes him down to his cell。
The Irishman says, "You know what, I really like a smoke. My wish would be 10 years' worth of cigarettes." His request is granted and he is taken down to do his 10 years.
10 years later the three men are finally released。 The Englishman comes out and says to the guard, "Thanks, that supply of tea really helped to get me through。 Thanks a lot。" Then he leaves。
The Scotsman comes out drunk as a monkey. He walks up to the guard and hugs and thanks him. "Thanks mate, those 10 years went by quick as a flash." He trundles happily off, staggering all over the place.
The Irishman emerges looking terrible. "Have you got a light?", he says.
A man seeing flashing red and blue lights in his rear view mirror pulls to the side of the road. A minute or so after coming to a stop, a police officer approaches the car.
The man says, "What's the problem officer?"
Officer: You were going 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour zone。 I'm afraid I'm going to have to ticket you。
Man: No sir, I was going a little over 60.
Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going at least 80! [The man gives wife dirty look.]
Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks! [The man gives his wife another a dirty look.]
Officer: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt!
The Man turns to his wife and yells, "For cryin' out loud, can't you just shut up?!"
The officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, Does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"
Wife says, "No officer, Only when he's drunk."
There were these two twins, Joe and John。 Joe was the owner of an old dilapidated boat。 It just so happened that John's wife died the same day that Joe's boat sank。 A few days later, akindly old woman saw Joe and mistaked him for John and stated, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss。 You must feel terrible。"
Joe, thinking she was talking about the boat, said, "Hell no, fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her, she was a rotten old thing from the beginning。 Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like an old dead fish。 She was always losing water。 She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too。 Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy。 I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time。 I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow。 Thedamn fools all tried to get in her at once and she split right up the damn middle!!!"
The old woman fainted。
关于简单有趣的英语笑话：Hard At Work
One morning a local highway department crew reaches their job-site and realizes they have forgotten all their shovels.
The crew's foreman radios the office and tells his supervisor the situation.
The supervisor radios back and says, "Don't worry, we'll send some shovels...just lean on each other until they arrive."
Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly. Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ. Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok. Man with one chopstick go hungry. Man who scratches butt should not bite fingernails. Man who eat many prunes get good run for money. Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk. Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth. War not determine who right, war determine who left. Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house. Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night. It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it. Man who drive like hell bound to get there. Man who stand on toilet is high on pot. Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement. Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs. Man who farts in church sits in own pew. Man who lay woman on ground get piece on earth.
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